Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Ole and Sven in the Bar

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Vy sure," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Ver ya from?"

"Norvay," replies the second man.

The first man responds, "Ya don't say, I'm from Norvay too! Let's have anudder round to Norvay."

Curious, the first man then asks: "Vere in Norvay are ya from?"

"Bergen," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Bergen too! Let's have anudder drink to old Bergen."

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "So, vere did you live?"
"On a boat, at da fishin docks," replies the second man.

"Dis is unbelievable!," the first man says. "I lived on a boat at da fishin docks, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's up?," he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "Ole and his brother Sven are getting drunk again."

Friday, September 20, 2013

Bare Midriffs for High School Cheerleaders?

It's long been institutionalized that professional and college cheerleaders go around in revealing assets, providing a mini-striptease for the fans while the game is going on.  But lately this has been trickling downward into high school squads as well.  Is there no end to these excesses of inappropriate sexiness?  I think it's wrong for schools to use their students in such a fashion.

Navel-baring is in bad taste.

What do you think?

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Ole Substitutes for the Doctor

A doctor in Duluth Minnesota wanted to get Off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. "Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients."

"Yes, sir!" answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns The following day and asks: "So, Ole, How was your day?"

Ole told him that he took care of Three patients. "The first one had a Headache so I gave him TYLENOL."

"Bravo, mate, and the second one?" Asks the doctor.

"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,"' says Ole.

"Ya, you did right! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the Doctor.

 "Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, Taking off everything including Her panties and lies Down on the table and shouts: HELP ME - I haven't Seen a man in over two years!!"

 "Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"'I put drops in her eyes!"

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Tough Ones for Dear Abby


Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On My VCR?

Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

Remember these people can vote...

Monday, March 4, 2013

Louisiana Story

VINTON, La. -- Police were surprized when a driver wearing only a towel got out of a car, then got back in and sped off. They were stunned when the car hit a tree and disgorged 20 naked people.

"The Lord told them to get rid of their belongings and go to Louisiana. So they did, plus the license plate off their car and came to our gorgeous state," Vinton Police Chief Dennis Drouillard said.
All 20 were from Floydada, Texas, about 550 miles from the southwest Louisiana town of Vinton.
Driver Sammy Rodriguez and his brother, Danny, both said they were Pentecostal preachers, Drouillard said.
Floydada Police Chief James Hale said he had been looking for the Rodriguez family since Tuesday night, when relatives reported them missing.
The family left six cars, abandoning one in Lubbock and a second in San Angelo and a third in Galveston, along with clothes, pocketbooks, wallets and other belongings.
The chase in Vinton began after a campground owner called police. A Calcasieu Parish deputy stopped their car, and a man wearing only a towel got out.
"When the officer went to ask what was going on, he jumped back in and took off," Drouillard said.
They sped down Vinton's main street until the car hit a tree. Fifteen adults, as old as age 63, piled out of the 1990 Pontiac. Five children, as young as 1 year old, were in the trunk.
The car was totaled, but the injuries all were minor, Drouillard said. "I guess when you're packed in that tight, there's not much room to move around."
Rodriguez was booked with reckless driving, flight from an officer, property damage and several minor traffic violations, he said. He was kept in custody.
Authorities said the entire group was released into the custody of a Baptist church nearby, where they awaited relatives.