Irish and Norwegians

IRISH AND NORWEGIANS

March 17th commemorates St. Patrick's great and noble deed in driving the Norwegians out of Ireland.

It seems that centuries ago many Norwegians came to Ireland to escape the bitterness of the Norwegian winter. Ireland was having a famine at the time and food was scarce.
          
The Norwegians were eating almost all of the fish caught in the ocean, leaving the Irish with nothing but potatoes.
          
St. Patrick, taking matters into onto his own hands, like most Irishman, decided all the Norwegians had to go. Secretly he organized the IRATION (Irish Republican Army to Rid Ireland of Norwegians). Irish members of the IRATION sabotaged all the power plants in hopes the fish in Norwegian refrigerators would spoil, forcing the Norwegians to a cooler climate where their fish would keep. The fish spoiled all right, but the Norwegians, as everyone knows to this day, thrive on spoiled fish.


Faced with failure, the Irishmen sneaked into the Norwegian fish storage caves in the dead of the night and sprinkled the rotten fish with lye, hoping to poison the Norwegian intruders, but as everybody knows, this is how lutefisk was introduced to the Norwegians, and how they thrived on the lye soaked smelly fish.
          
Matters became even worse for the Irish when the Norwegians started taking over the Irish potato crop to make lefse. Poor St. Patrick was at his wits end.


Finally, on March 17, he blew his top and told the Norwegians to "go to hell" -- and it worked, because all the Norwegians left Ireland and went to Minnesota.

Why Do Guys Like Bikinis on Their Women?

My long-time boyfriend once asked me why I don't wear a bikini.  Evil pop tart
s post about swimsuits in St. Augustine brought that to mind.


So I go with the two that came to mind.  (1) I'm in Minnesota where it's too cool to swim, and (2) I'm about 20 pounds overweight. I don't mention that I'm a card-carrying Lutheran as well.


But why, oh why, do guys like their women in bikinis? It would seem that they should prefer to be the only one seeing them almost nude. Is it some kind of male power thing, or do they want to show others that they rate a woman who can wear a bikini?


At any rate, it seems that on this they are not sufficiently inculcated with feminist values?

The Uff Da Bra

No, there's not actually a product with that name, but when northern women emerge in Spring in late May, they may have temporary sagging problems which leads to them saying, "Uff da."

To deal with that problem, they could use some help:


https://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4GGHP_enUS458US459&q=sagging+breasts+bra#q=sagging+breasts+bra&tbm=shop&spd=7825771111718347025

Wrong Time for Business

The banker fell overboard from a friend’s sailboat.

The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?”

“Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”

Ole and Sven in the Bar

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Vy sure," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Ver ya from?"

"Norvay," replies the second man.

The first man responds, "Ya don't say, I'm from Norvay too! Let's have anudder round to Norvay."

Curious, the first man then asks: "Vere in Norvay are ya from?"

"Bergen," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Bergen too! Let's have anudder drink to old Bergen."

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "So, vere did you live?"
"On a boat, at da fishin docks," replies the second man.

"Dis is unbelievable!," the first man says. "I lived on a boat at da fishin docks, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's up?," he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "Ole and his brother Sven are getting drunk again."

Bare Midriffs for High School Cheerleaders?

It's long been institutionalized that professional and college cheerleaders go around in revealing assets, providing a mini-striptease for the fans while the game is going on.  But lately this has been trickling downward into high school squads as well.  Is there no end to these excesses of inappropriate sexiness?  I think it's wrong for schools to use their students in such a fashion.

Navel-baring is in bad taste.

What do you think?

Ole Substitutes for the Doctor

A doctor in Duluth Minnesota wanted to get Off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. "Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients."

"Yes, sir!" answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns The following day and asks: "So, Ole, How was your day?"

Ole told him that he took care of Three patients. "The first one had a Headache so I gave him TYLENOL."

"Bravo, mate, and the second one?" Asks the doctor.

"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,"' says Ole.

"Ya, you did right! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the Doctor.

 "Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, Taking off everything including Her panties and lies Down on the table and shouts: HELP ME - I haven't Seen a man in over two years!!"

 "Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"'I put drops in her eyes!"