The Likely Excuse

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. 

As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. 

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." 

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"

The Wonderbra Song

(To be sung to "Miracle of Miracles" from "Fiddler on the Roof," by Jerry Bock & Sheldon Harnick.)

Wonder of wonders.
Miracle of miracles.
Wonderbra can make you huge.

Wonder of wonders.
Wonderbra oh Wonderbra.
Lifts, shores up, and stacks your boobs.

Wonder of wonders.
Miracle of miracles.
Deepens cleavage on demand.

Wonder of wonders.
Wonderbra oh Wonderbra.
Scoops and swells your mammary glands.

The day I first tried on that bra.
That was a miracle.
That was a miracle.

They gaped and gawked and cheered "Hurrah!"
That was a miracle too.

But for all breasts be they large or small.
The most miraculous bra of all.

Is the one you never have to see.
Naked as they're born to be.

Wonder of wonders.
Miracle of miracles.

Tits so high they make you blush.

Wonder of wonders.
Wonderbra oh Wonderbra.
Never have they looked so lush.

I tried it merely on a dare.
That was a miracle.
That was a miracle.

Now I need a gadget for my rear.
That would be a miracle too.

But of all breasts be they large or small.
The most miraculous breasts of all.
Must be bosoms that are hanging free

The Weather in Boston